A) What's your name or shall I just call you Pissface? Simon Thomas Crawford
B) Gender? Male
C) Age? 19
D) Height? 5ft 10"
E) Location? Dungannon, County Tyrone, Northern Ireland
F) Sexuality? homosensual
G) Why are you applying? I've been an art student for years, pretty things interest me. Looking at pretty things interests me, ugliness sucks
2. Your image:
A) Tell me your style. I like to think of it as understated gay meets arty chique. but it probably comes across as, "i just threw on this jacket, top, badly cut jeans and boots cos i'm a lazy git. ok? got a problem with that?!"
B) Do you think you're attractive? Why (not)?Personally I think I could do with some improvement, but i have been told by many people, not all friends that I am quite the 'hubba hubba ding ding ding'. Im pretty sure they were pissed/lying/stoned offa their tits at the time
C) Do you think other people think you're attractive? Why (not)? Well i hope so, I have been given compliments such as, (See above) as well as 'nice ass' and 'i wish i had your cheekbones' so...Yes?
D) Will I think you're attractive? Why (not)? Well i know if you didn't then you would tell me but i think i won't disappoint, because you've seen pictures of me and haven't run screaming...yet
E) How important are the opinions of others on your looks to you? Constructive critisism is never rejected, but i'll look how i like.
F) What do you consider your best feature? I Love my eyes, all the colours of the rainbow (except pink and violet and red...)
G) What do you consider your worst feature? ugh! my ears, so hate them!
3. Your personality:
A) Five words to sum yourself up.
B) Five insults you've recieved.
Jizz eating hairy knuckled tramp.
C) Are you a cunt? When i need to be, and sometimes when i dont
D) Do you have one? Ew. no
E) Are you passive or assertive? Passive (but with undertones of assertiveness)...so yeh...passive
F) Do you know the meaning of tact? Yes
G) Do you tell people what's on your mind? If i think they'll understand it.
H) Turn ons? Jet black, slightly messy hair
I) Turn offs? Ignorance and Arrogance
4. Your life:
A) Who is the most important person in your life. Why? Emma, she's my Grace, the one person who has never judged, ignored, belittled, insulted or otherwise crapped over me. (there are others but she's my Grace, so i chose her)
B) Tell me about one time when you were really frickin' pleased with yourself. I could finally call someone my boyfriend. I fell madly in love and made the first move, that was the first time i had and it made me feel amazing
C) Tell me about one time you fucked up. I got my mate into trouble by turning up at his house with bag full of alcohol. His parents were none amused. since they banned me from the house for 6 months...
D) Are you a slut? Not yet, but i'd say im on my way
E) You have an entire free weekend. What do you do?
Go out Friday night to a local bar with friends, drink a lot, then dance like a maniac, maybe flirt with the barman too, until we're chucked out and i walk the 2 miles home. Get home, eat some random takeaway left over and fall onto my lumpy bed and wait for morning. Saturday, go to town to shop and make eyes at boys. Go for lunch with Marina and show her all my new things. Arrange a night out and convince her to go (which usually fails). Repeat Friday night, except this time i go to a takeaway for the food, having eaten the leftovers in the house. Sunday, while my liver slowly crawls away, desparate to be saved from the mad alco in the bed, watch random Sunday morning telly until i fall out of bed and make brekkie. I draw some randomness and go online, check my lj and emails, then its down to freshen up and get dressed for a day of TV, munchies, and if im lucky, some sex. Sleep
F) Do you think you'll ever get married? Only if i can wear the dress.
5. What are your views on:
A) Feminism? Why stop at burning bras?
B) Racism? No....just NO and anyone who does it deserves to be stabbed between the
nuts with blunt chop sticks
C) Homophobia? See above, but this time its up the urethra
D) Organised religion? It's ok, so long as it doesn't touch me. Me and religion are like me and Whisky, ok in theory, a massive cock up in practice.
E) *shudder* Country music? Having been raised listening to it I can say with confidence: All cd's tapes and LP's should be burned, except Dolly
F) This application? Starting to give me repetitive strain injury
A) Your father had been bitten by a snake in his male bits and pieces. You're miles and miles away from a hospital and he could die. Would you suck the poison out? Hrmmm....well if he only COULD die, then it's 50/50, so i'll carry him to the hospital. but if its certain, then yes..but i'd make him pay for the hypnotherapy to forget it ever happened
B) What the fuck would you do if Courtney Love attacked you in a dark alley with a flash light and a glass bottle? Offer her a drink
C) You could choose one super hero power. What would you choose? Telekinesis, cos even masturbation can be too much work sometimes.
D) You can bring one dead person back to life. Who? Grandad
E) Rich or famous? Rich.
7. Random questions:
A) Does your milkshake bring all the boys to the yard? Yes sir. MMMMM, strawberry flavour
B) Favourite bands/artists? Alanis Morissette, Scissor Sisters, Josie and the Pussycats, Gwen Stefani/No Dount, Goldfrapp, Sum*41, Red Hot Chilli Peppers (and yes i know none of those are very cool bands but im a freek with almost no taste, so sue me)
C) What's your damage? 73
D) Have you got side tracked and started touching yourself while watching internet porn during this application? How did you see? Do you have cameras? You have cameras dont you..? you do! WHERE? WHERE ARE THEY?......*mumbles incoherantly*...they can see meeee........*deep breaths*......
E) Are you bored now? Nope
F) Think we're done? *scrolls down*...*and bak up again*...not yet
8. Just a little game:
Pick a band and answer only using that band's song titles:
A) Are you male or female? I'm The Bomb
B) Describe yourself. I Invented the Night
C) How do some people feel about you? Danger!
D) How do you feel about yourself? Improper Dancing
E) Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: She's White!
F) Where would you rather be? Gay Bar
G) Describe what you want to be. Dance Commander
H) Describe how you live. Electric Demon In Love
I) Describe how you love. Nuclear War
J) Share a few words of wisdom. Naked Pictures (of your mother)
(just because I thought that game was quite fucking hard. Don't forget to tell me what cunting band it is)
9. Right. Picture time. WHORE THYSELF: